LATE NIGHT FREAKINESS & OTHER RANDOM STUFF

I had a terrible time getting to sleep last night.  I knew it would probably take a while to fall out, but I wasn't expecting the weirdness that happened as soon as I laid there in the darkness trying to fall asleep.

Some of you may know from previous posts that I seem to have very sensitive hearing, empathic abilities at times and sometimes even sense or feel (and occasionally even 'hear') another person that is nowhere around me.  It's really hard to explain this phenomenon in any scientific or logical fashion.  I also am unable to turn this ability off and on at my whim.  If I actually TRY to use it, whatever I might hear or sense will be just out of grasp as far as me being able to understand it clearly.  Yet other times I can be laying down, relaxed and not even trying and then it's almost like several stations on the radio just became clear as a bell, all at once.  It's really strange.

For some reason, I seem to be able to pick up radio waves or sound waves out of nowhere.  I can occasionally hear a radio when it's not even turned on.  Same with TVs.  Sometimes I can clearly pick up on a neighbor's TV or radio or even someone driving down the street, maybe 2 blocks over.  Most of the time, I really don't know exactly WHERE it's coming from, but I can hear it, plain as day.

Last night, I heard a radio station from somewhere and it was a country music station.  I figured it was probably one of the neighbors or something.  I don't normally listen to country music, but it didn't bother me because it still fascinates me that sometimes I hear things so well from far away.  About a minute later, though, I heard something that was really odd.  I heard what sounded like a person speaking over an intercom and then right after that, I heard a group of people all around me.  It was too hard to make out what they said because they all seemed to be talking at once and loud enough that it was also too hard to make out what was said over the intercom.  And just as soon as it happened, it was gone.  And then the country music was back.  I don't know what all of it was, but it really freaked me out for a while.  It's still a bit freaky thinking about it now, even.

I've been in a melancholy mood all week, for the most part.  I have let stuff get to me that shouldn't.  I've felt some negative emotions from people around me lately.  I've felt guilty sometimes for doing things I wanted to do because it seems to bother some people around me.  I've been in pain from the dental work I've had and migraines that come and go.  I seem to be both hurried and lethargic, sometimes going from one to the other in minutes.  Yesterday and today I have had stomach cramps since Aunt Flo came to visit yesterday.  I haven't been able to shake my pissy mood very well, either.  I did go out Thursday and I downed about 6-7 margaritas.  I was pretty wasted.  Thursday was also my brother's 60th birthday.  My brother is friggen' 60 years old.  That means my Mom will be 80 in October and next year I'll be 40.  We're all about 20 years apart.  Also my nephew had to skip his chemotherapy treatment this past week because his white blood cell count is too low.  Hopefully it will be better next week, but of course he'll feel like crap afterwards.  It takes a lot out of him.

I've still got a lot to do before I leave here for vacation.  I'm worried about the bills.  I don't see us paying them all at this point.  So what do I let slide?  Obviously I can't not pay the mortgage, the truck payment, insurance payment, electricity and water.  And I still need food and gas money after that.  The only extra bill I have is my cable/Internet and it's at the lowest level I can have.  I could care less about cable that much and I thought about switching to dial up again because it's cheaper.  But after I looked at having to get a home phone line hooked up in order to use dial up, it's not that much cheaper, if at all.  And it's really the only entertainment we can do right now.  It's depressing being broke.  I noticed that a lot of the foods I like and stuff I like to drink is more expensive than the stuff that isn't very good for you and soda.  I had gotten away from drinking soda.  But soda is cheaper, so I've been drinking it again & my stomach hasn't been very tolerant of it.  I like to have a beer when I get home from work, and I've had to get less expensive beer, which just isn't as good as the stuff I like.  It's very difficult right now because we had our monthly income reduced by 2/3.  That's more than half.  So when I get back from vacation, I'm going to see about getting a second job for a while, I guess.  At least to help out for now, until I can figure something out about school.

School brings me to the next thing that has put me in a melancholy mood.  I got a letter from the people that were giving away the scholarships that I had applied for.  I felt I had a good chance, and I'm sure I did just as much as anyone else.  So when I got this letter, I was afraid to open it at first.  It's like waiting to see if you got into the school you wanted.  Well, I did open it and read it and I have to say it was probably the nicest sounding rejection letter I've ever received.  I was not selected for one of the scholarships.  I knew that it wasn't a sure thing, but it still was disappointing.  I know the key to getting a better job and making more money is going back to school.  So I haven't given up on the idea of going back.  I guess I just get to fill out a bunch more paperwork and see if I can get financial aid now.  I was thinking I'd go to working part time at the most when I went back to school.  That means hubby is going to have to find something full time that can support me only working part time, while I do this.  It isn't going to be easy but I hope he understands why I'm wanting to do this.

Since I haven't felt too good today, I haven't done much of anything.  I know I need to do some chores around here today.  I was hoping to do chores tomorrow since Sundays are screwed up anyhow because the next day you have to go back to work.  I usually do things on Sunday evenings and nights to prepare for the next day.  Therefore I would generally prefer to leave most chores for Sunday since I know I'll be getting ready for the work week anyhow.  Hubby seems to like doing chores on Saturday, which ends up messing up both days with some chores.  He's a Taurus, though, and he can be hard headed about things.  He's already doing chores today and I've done just a couple of things.  He's come back inside and seen me still writing this entry a couple of times.  He knows I don't feel well, so he hasn't said anything, but I can sense he's wanting me to get something else done other than blogging right now.  So I guess today will be a chore day.  I still have groceries to get and I have to be extremely frugal this week.  The truck still needs the spark plugs changed and washed/waxed.  Actually it probably could use an oil change too.  The pool probably needs vacuumed and I know inside needs dusting/vacuuming and mopping.  Plus I have a ton of laundry. 

If I do all this stuff today or most, then tomorrow I'm not doing much of anything at all.  I wanted to go surfing, but it was flat earlier and besides, I'm bleeding a lot today, so I usually refrain from being in the ocean during this time of the month.  I don't like being 'shark bait'.  Hubby still wants me to go with him, though.  I may take the camera and get some video.

Speaking of video, I will try to post some tonight sometime.  It'll give me something to do to maybe get my mind off being melancholy.