A REALIZATION

This might end up being a long post.  I have been bad about updating lately and now I'm overflowing with so much emotion; so many different emotions, that I am in hopes letting some of it out in words will help.

I am really hurt and it saddens me to say this, but I think my Mom has turned into a very ugly human being.  She is everything I hope I DON'T become.

She got power back last Friday, but was still without a phone until tonight.  I wish she was still without a phone.  I will not be talking to her for a while.  It hurts me that I have to be this way, but she is the one that is making it so.

After all the worry I've had this past week and having complete strangers go beyond the call of duty to let me know she was OK, she calls me tonight, STILL pissed about us letting hubby's ex stay with us for a bit, which happened over a YEAR ago.  Does she ask if I'm OK?  Does she even mention the fact that we have a hurricane right offshore (Hurricane Ophelia) that has barely moved and has been gaining strength and could possibly hit us?  Does she even tell me to let other members of the family, who also have been worried, know she is OK?  No, she doesn't do any of those things.  Hell, the lady who WORKS for her called me to let me know that my mother had her phone back and she even asked me if I was OK, but no, not my mom.  Instead she is right back on her high horse about me making a decision between having her in my life or my husband of 10 years.

That's enough to piss me off, but that's not even the reason I'm so hurt and I feel she has turned into someone I'm even ashamed to say I know.  No, the reason that I'm so hurt is because she had the audacity to say she didn't give a damn about any of those people in New Orleans and saying that city needed to be wiped out because of all the sin there.  And she actually meant it.  Then she softened a bit and said it was a shame that all those people had to die, but still basically saying that they chose to live in such a sinful city that God decided to wipe out.

She even went so far as to say if any of her taxpayer money (which I don't really see since she's never worked a day in her life and the money she gets is from what my Dad earned after he paid taxes) would be going to help those people in New Orleans that she would quit paying her taxes.  It's all about her and her situation.  She really doesn't seem to care one bit about thousands of people losing loved ones, homes, cars and all their belongings.

It's this sort of closed mindedness that I truly can't stand.  It's her way of thinking she is better than other people that just makes me sick.  We could get hit with a hurricane in the next few days and be just as well off as a lot of people who lost everything due to Hurricane Katrina.  Would it be because I've chosen to live in a sinful city and God is cleaning house?  Would it be because we don't have a lot of money?  Would it be because of the color of our skin or because of our educational level or class level we've reached?  Would we deserve to lose everything we have just like she feels everyone in New Orleans must have deserved to lose everything?

Complete strangers reached out to help me by letting me know my mother was OK.  The lady that works for my mother has shown me more consideration lately than my own mother has.  She's asked if I was OK.  She's taken time out to call me several times to keep me updated on her condition, even though she works 3 jobs.  She even called me when she had to take my mother to the ER several days ago because she fell.  She kept me updated on what was going on and my mother actually got mad at her for doing that.

All I know is that I don't like what she has become.  I don't want to ever be like that.  And I'm hurt because I just can't talk to her or be around her if she is going to be like this.  I wouldn't waste my time being around someone else with those beliefs, so why am I forcing myself to be around her and listen to her say things I find very disturbing?  I don't know...